Dance music’s equivalent to the National Enquirer, DJ Mag, has announced an immediate ban on DJs canvassing schoolyards in an attempt to gain votes for this year’s Top 100 DJs Poll.
Barry Smith, a spokesperson for DJ Mag, confirmed that any DJ found to be canvassing schoolyards, or any areas where children gather, will be immediately disqualified from this year’s poll.
“In recent years, it seems that the DJ Mag Top 100 DJs Poll has lost some of its credibility among certain sects of people in the electronic music industry,” Smith told Wunderground earlier. “This is down to two main factors. First of all, there’s a lot of total shit bags on the poll and, second of all, there’s a lot of total shit bags and children voting on the poll.”
“While we can’t actually stop shit bags from being in, or voting on, the poll, we can stop children from voting on it,” continued Smith, who seemed to have lost the love for his job quite some time ago. “So, from now on, there will be no canvassing allowed in schoolyards, playgrounds, fun fairs, orphanages or anywhere else where children can be found.”
“We want our poll to be an accurate reflection of the industry and allowing people who aren’t old enough to get into music venues the right to vote just doesn’t make any sense,” he explained. “Any DJs who have been found to break these rules will be instantly removed from the poll and have their DJ license revoked.”
According to experts, the new regulation could see “wholesale changes” in the overall results of this year’s Top 100 DJs poll.
“We’re very likely to see a completely different line up at the top of this year’s poll,” claimed some bloke we stopped on the street. “Apparently, Martin Garrix was offering to do children’s homework for them if they voted for him last year and he was top of the pops. I bet they’re all at it, I wouldn’t be surprised if none of the DJs who featured last year will appear on it this year.”
In related news, accusations of schoolyard canvassing against Paul Oakenfold have been withdrawn after it was confirmed that no one under the age of thirty has any idea who he is.