Category: Comedy

Reverse Parallel Parking Has Been Confirmed For The 2028 Olympics

Parking a car parallel to the road in line with other parked vehicles while others look on and judge will be an Olympic sport in 2028, it has been confirmed.…

BREAKING: Rudy Giuliani Contracts COVID, Rushed To Johns Hopkins Total Landscaping For Treatment

Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, was confirmed positive with COVID-19 this morning, and was immediately taken to the Johns Hopkins Total Landscaping for emergency treatment.…

Rudy Giuliani Has Already Filed 37 Law Suits Against His COVID-19 Infection

Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani has wasted no time fighting his COVID-19 diagnosis, immediately filing thirty-seven lawsuits in eight different states.…

Germans Who Skipped Quarantine Not Brown Enough To Be Border Force’s Responsibility, Dutton Confirms

Immigration Minister Peter Dutton says it was not his department’s responsibility to stop two German nationals from avoiding quarantine because they were not dark-skinned people desperately fleeing for their lives.…

The Real Human Rights Abuse Is That The Chinese Now Have To Pay $199 For A Bottle Of Yellow Tail Shiraz

In amongst all the barbs being thrown around between Australia and China, we’ve forgotten that, thanks to the new tariffs, some guy in Shanghai has just had to shell out the best part of $200 bucks for a wine one…

Team Trump Now Claiming Joe Biden Stole Election By Getting More People To Vote For Him

After a string of unsuccessful challenges and with legal options running out, Donald Trump’s legal team claimed this morning that Joe Biden illegally stole the election by getting more people to vote for him.…

Chinese Citizens Told They Must Condemn Australia’s Human Rights Record, Or Risk Imprisonment

A directive from the Chinese Communist Party has obligated all citizens of the mighty and glorious nation of China to publicly criticise Australia’s record of human rights abuses, or risk life-long incarceration in a secret prison camp.…

Morrison Appoints Scott Cam To Rebuild Relationship With China

Saying it was time to get serious about foreign policy, Scott Morrison has brought in Australia’s favourite tradie to mend the nation’s broken relationship with China.…

Morrison To Rebuild China Relationship With $100 Bunnings Voucher

As tensions between Australia and China continue to escalate, Scott Morrison says he will mend the broken relationship with a bit of old fashioned DIY and the help of his favourite focus-group tested hardware store.…

Young Couple Who Work At Google Already Finishing Each Other’s Sentences

A couple who have been dating since they met at a Google office party last month are already finishing each other’s sentences, it has been revealed.…

Pauline Hanson Condemns Use Of Term ‘Black Friday’, Saying ‘All Fridays Matter’

One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has moved a motion in the Senate declaring that ‘All Fridays Matter’, following an emotional speech in which she claimed the term Black Friday is racist against white people.…

Scott Morrison’s 5 Tips For Surviving Hotel Quarantine

SCOTT MORRISON: I’ve been hearing a lot from returning Aussies about how tough the two-week hotel quarantine is. I’ve actually found it to be quite an enjoyable time. In the interests of helping out other Aussies about to make the…

Scott Morrison Has Chosen An Odd Year To Take A Year Off

Workplace flexibility is great. The fact that more and more organisations are offering their employees access to different ways of working is definitely a step forward. It’s just that, of all the years for Scott Morrison to take a career…

Morrison Forced To Self-Isolate With Just His Closest Photographers And Image Consultants

After returning this week from an essential visit to Japan, Prime Minister Scott Morrison will need to spend fourteen days isolating with only a personal photographer, PR adviser, image consultant, makeup artist, four social media managers and empathy coach there…