This article originally appeared on VICE US.
A whopping 24.7 million people lost their jobs between February and April of this year due to the COVID-19 pandemic and its effects on the economy. So needless to say, there are a lot of folks out there job-hunting right now—but only one of them will be able to prove that they're the right candidate to take on a job at SF Gate writing exclusively about… coronavirus? The dismantling of white supremacy? The forthcoming presidential election? No. This editor will be focusing on the most important topic of all: Disneyland.
Yes, one lucky Disney obsessive will be hired into a part-time, associate-level position covering nothing but the Happiest Place on Earth. According to the job description currently posted on LinkedIn, SF Gate (the online arm of the San Francisco Chronicle) seeks an Associate Editor – Disneyland who is "a versatile journalist with a deep understanding of their region (in this case, Disneyland)," one who can write both daily news coverage and two to three big features every week "that matter to both the people who live near it, and the people who visit." The content they create will "remind people why Disneyland is such an important [place] to Californians." (Did Disneyland write this posting?)
Interestingly, SF Gate acknowledges that "Disneyland has been covered to death," but insists that their staff wants to start "a fresh conversation" about it. It's unclear whether that conversation will include any concerns with the fact that Downtown Disney is reopening during the highest-ever infection numbers in California or how Disneyland 'cast members'—i.e. the people sweating their asses off in those big Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse costumes—will deal with being chased and hugged by hundreds of germ-covered children every day in the midst of a global pandemic.
Most importantly, candidates should possess three to four years of relevant experience in professional writing and editing, live within driving distance of Disneyland (located in Anaheim, California), and be "very likely an annual passholder." In other words, you're probably not gonna be able to expensive those day trips for "research."
Now, you may be wondering how many adult professional writers can really claim to have "a deep knowledge of Disneyland that spans beyond a single discipline" and aren't just in it for the rides (yes, the JD also specifies this). But for what it's worth, there are a lot—and we mean a lot—of fully grown human beings who are thoroughly obsessed with all things Disney despite the fact that it a multibillion-dollar company that has found seemingly countless ways to monetize an entire universe designed around an anthropomorphized mouse. But those superfans have their reasons, just like I have my reasons for eating cookies and candy every day or silently shedding a single tear while watching the original trailer for the 1995 film adaptation of The Baby-Sitters Club even though I never saw the actual movie or read any of the books (mainly because it features a really good Cranberries song).
Anyway, in our fraught times when many, many people need employment—including the workers at the park itself—we should all just be happy that some lucky person out there will get to live out their dreams and get paid to fixate on Disneyland. If you want to shoot your shot, we can't blame ya—although the job will probably be a lot more fun when it's actually safe to wait in line for a Dole Whip or ride Space Mountain.
