The promises started soon after they began speaking online.

“I’ll adopt your son. I’ll give him the best education. I’ll support your career,” he told her.

Chen Yanhong was a single mother in China when she met her husband on a dating website.

With the help of translation software, the two fell in love. One month later, they met in person. Within a year, they were married.

Chen Yanhong moved to Australia with her 17-year-old son on a partner visa sponsored by her new husband – an Austrlaian citizen. But once they arrived in Australia, the abuse began.

“The first time it happened I feel shocked, I can’t say anything,” she said.

Physical, sexual, emotional and… he also controlled my social life.

In Australia, one in 6 women and one in 16 men have experienced physical and/or sexual violence at the hands of a partner.

But there are no statistics on how many victims have migrated here for love and are on temporary visas that are sponsored by their abusive spouse.

Chen Yanhong was eventually kicked out of her home by her husband.

In the three years that followed, she moved over 50 times between different women’s shelters and temporary homes. Her son ended up on the streets, parks, and various shelters separated from his mother.

Chen Yanhong’s husband applied for and withdrew her partner visa twice in three years, repeatedly threatening her with divorce.

The influence of culture

Born in the 1960s, Chen Yanhong says she understands both the traditional thoughts about Chinese women and the more modern ideas of fairness and equality.

But her internalised view of relationships meant she didn’t immediately recognise she was being abused.

In Chinese culture, there is a saying that ‘beating is love, scolding is intimacy’

‘A woman can’t be a good wife without getting beaten, and noodles can’t be good to eat without kneading’,” she said.

“I didn’t think of domestic violence when I experienced it. I didn’t want to make trouble for him, so I had to put up with it”.

She said she found it hard to accept that her western husband would have such ‘outdated’ ideas.

“He always said that it was my problem. He said that I am not a caring wife, I don’t take care of him, and I walked in front of him. It was so odd.”

The influence of popular Chinese proverbs can play heavily on situations of domestic violence.

In some cases, the way these phrases interpret love and marriage can put pressure on women to stay.

“Demolishing ten temples is better than destroying a marriage”, one writes.

In this way, domestic violence becomes framed as a ‘family shame’ – and that can have an impact on whether someone decides to speak up.

Statistics from the China Women’s Federation say victims will wait at least three years on average to ask for help – the longest has been 40 years.

Chen Yanhong says despite not wanting to have premarital sex, she felt pressured to do so. She went on to endure ongoing sexual abuse for the entirity of her marriage.

“I think in the marriage, whatever he wanted, I felt I had to satisfy him,” she said.

“Then every time he felt content to go to work, I cried at home.”

A common story

Social worker Jatinder Kaur works with migrant victims of domestic violence. She says the current immigration system is used as a tool by some people to control their partners.

“In the immigration system here at the moment, the husband – he is the primary sponsor – so if there is abuse in the home or he’s not happy with the wife, he may use that as a threat,” she said.

Examples of abuse include threats to cancel visas and withdraw immigration files.

“So it is unfortunately being used by some of the men as a way to control the wives and to keep them in the abusive relationship.”

You can get help

NSW Police Assistant Commissioner Mark Jones says no-one should have to stay in a violent relationship just to save their visa.

“If domestic and family violence is occurring in that relationship, that is still a matter for the police to investigate,” he said.

Assistant Commissioner Jones said there are systems in place to support victims who have come out on a temporary visa or a spousal type visa.

“The fact that they have now come to the police to report a crime does not mean they have to return home.”

Kicked out

Chen Yanhong endured years of abuse before she was kicked out of her home by her husband.

She left with just one suitcase. It was full of documents.
With the help of victims services, charities, and legal aid agencies, she proved the authenticity of marriage and domestic violence with more than 4,000 photos and hundreds of documents.

Victim Services NSW has approved Chen Yanhong the highest amount of recognition payment for sexual abuse.

In March this year, Chen Yanhong and her son were granted a permanent residency visa.

“It’s a tough, tough journey,” she told The Feed.

“I feel Australia is such a blessed country, all the people… compassion and caring and in a professional way, they support people,” she said.

If you, or anyone you know needs help:

1800RESPECT  – 24 hour national sexual assault, family and domestic violence counselling line

Lifeline  13 11 14 – Crisis support and suicide prevention