Picture this. Your best friend is getting married and she looks absolutely beautiful.

That is, except for her choice of headwear that better resembles road kill than chic bridal accessory.

When she asks what you think of it, you’re stumped for a reply.

A white lie might be appropriate given you figure it’s too late to say something. Or is there still hope for an honest takedown of her dead possum fascinator?

Arguably we all tell lies to some extent, even if it’s as small as saying “I’m fine” when someone asks how you are, even if you’re not.

But what if you knew white lies (also known as prosocial lies) were doing more harm than good — and there was a way around them without hurting others?

There is, according to psychologist Meredith Fuller, who has some tips for avoiding dishonesty in social situations.

But there is also research, like that from Deakin University’s Matthew J. Lupoli, which shows there are “rare” circumstances when telling a fib is preferable according to its recipient.

We spoke to Ms Fuller and Dr Lupoli to find out more, and give you the tools to help decide when a white lie is worth the risk of being caught out.

Alternatives to white lying

We often think we are trying to help someone when we tell a white lie, Ms Fuller says, but that isn’t always the outcome.

“I would challenge that [a white lie helps someone] and say there are ways you can stay true to yourself and integrity without needing to do that.

“Because you think you’re helping, but what happens is you let your very dearest friend go out to some beautiful event looking like a pavlova.”

Ms Fuller says she wouldn’t go as far as to suggest “nodding your head” through something for the sake of social fabric is a bad thing, but rather you can “preserve someone’s feelings without denigrating your expertise and support”.

“It really does challenge us to be the best we can be with each other and ourselves.”

In the scenario of someone asking for an opinion on their outfit, Ms Fuller says an alternative response to a harsh truth might be:

  • There are some parts of that which are great, and some parts I wonder how it might look if you tried a different style to compare?
  • Most importantly, what do you think of how you look in that dress?