Wednesday, January 2, marked the twelfth day of a government shutdown with no end in sight. In that time, federal workers have gone without pay; Native Americans have been trapped in their homes without water, groceries, and medicine; and actual human shit has piled up in national parks. According to Donald Trump, all of this is necessary, and will go on indefinitely, in order to obtain $5 billion in taxpayer funds to build a “desperately needed” wall on the southern border, where the situation, the president claims, is increasingly dire. Also, according to Trump, the wall is already mostly built and paid for.

Yes, that sound you hear is a deafening record scratch courtesy of D.J. Donny Trump. But let’s back up for a moment. On December 22, the federal government shut down because, instead of signing a must-pass spending bill, the president decided to demand ransom money for a structure he knew Democrats would never go for—and haven’t gone for in the nearly two-week period since. But because Trump is not just an asshole, but also a compulsive liar with little-to-no grasp on reality, the situation is not as straightforward as him simply keeping the government closed until he gets his money. Instead, we’ve been treated to a daily barrage of contradictory lies about the wall, with the president’s story changing from one tweet to the next. For instance: on Wednesday, Trump insisted that the structure that’s resulted in federal workers being advised to barter for rent is, in fact, mostly already complete, and financed by a trade agreement that hasn’t yet been ratified and won’t result in you-know-who paying for it, even when it is:

That’s an interesting turn of events, given that Trump has insisted the government will remain closed until he gets the vital funds for his wall, though at this point his ever-changing story line should not come as a shock. Roughly two weeks before the shutdown, he claimed, in the space of an hour, that the southern border is totally fortified thanks to his policies:

. . . and also that the situation there is so urgent that he would violate the Constitution to get his desperately necessary wall in place (y’know, the parts that haven’t been built and paid for by Mexico already):

Presumably, both of these points are designed to appeal to Trump’s base, which was somewhat spooked by the hint that Trump might back down on his costly and ineffective campaign promise, not to mention by outgoing chief of staff John Kelly’s claim that the wall was abandoned as a plan “early on in the administration.” That they cannot simultaneously be true seems to be of no concern to the president, who has kept up a steady flow of tweets reinforcing both claims. So, where does all this end? After a Cabinet meeting on Wednesday in which the president claimed, without evidence, that he’s “heard” the U.S. loses up to $275 billion a year on illegal immigration, and that “we’re in the process of giving out large contracts for 115 miles of border wall in an important area,” as well as a cornucopia of other stats he pulled directly from his ass, Trump rejected proposals from both congressional leaders and his own vice president to end the shutdown. Eventually the standoff will end, presumably without money for a wall a minor detail that is unlikely to stop President It’s Already Built and Mexico Paid for It from declaring victory.

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Area man is not well

Elsewhere in evidence of the president’s mental decline, during his Cabinet meeting on Wednesday—the one in which he demanded money for a wall he said is already in place—Trump told those assembled:

Trump claims stock market about to take off bigly

As you may have heard, 2018 marked the worst year for the Dow Jones and S&P 500 since 2008, with both indices experiencing extreme volatility in December and the S&P recording its worst December performance since 1931. But according to the president, investors shouldn’t worry their pretty little heads about what was apparently just a minor blip, because Big Daddy Trade Deals has got it under control:

Trump told reporters Wednesday that there was a “glitch” in the stock market last month, but that equities should recover as the U.S. completes trade deals with countries like China.

“Our country is doing by far than any other country in the world. We’re the talk of the world,” Trump told reporters during an ongoing Cabinet meeting. “We had a little glitch in the stock market last month, but we’re still up about 30 percent from the time I got elected.”

“It’s going to go up once we settle trade issues and a couple of other things happen,” Trump said. “It’s got a long way to go.”

Last month, in a transparent bid to soothe the stock market, the president fabricated an “incredible” trade deal with China that almost immediately blew up in his face.

House Dems plan to light a fire under corporate America’s ass

Per Politico:

California Democrat Maxine Waters, the first woman and first African-American to chair the House Financial Services Committee, is planning to use her new power to push for more women and minorities in the top ranks of corporate America.

Some firms are panicking at the prospect of new public scrutiny, according to lobbyists, who say that while companies won’t openly fight Democrats’ moves to promote diversity, many are uneasy about the prospect of government getting directly involved in their hiring decisions.

“They have a right to be nervous,” Representative Emanuel Cleaver told Politico. “They should feel the fire is getting started and will burn, at least for two years, and hopefully beyond.”

Meanwhile, in Russia

Maybe consider avoiding the Moscow real-estate market for the time being:

In one common scheme, agents collude with property owners to sell homes and then race to petition judges that the sale should be invalidated because the seller was temporarily insane. Buyers lose their cash, sellers keep the homes and sales agents—and judges who may be in on the scheme—pocket millions of rubles. Buyers may sue to reclaim their money, but the asset that may be the most lucrative for recompense is the apartment, and that is out of reach. Laws routinely protect homeowners in these kind of disputes. This fraud is prevalent enough that nearly all of the roughly 140,000 transactions annually in Moscow have required sellers to show certificates of sanity in recent years, real-estate agents say.

Last year, state television reported that a gang of brokers kidnapped about 30 Moscow apartment sellers over eight years and then kept their properties. The former owners, mostly alcoholic single men, were put to work as slave laborers on a remote farm.

Elsewhere!

Canada Says, “Give Me Your M.B.A.s, Your Entrepreneurs” (Bloomberg)

Showtime is set to air a dramatic comedy on the ’87 financial crash. It looks a lot like the current Wall Street melodrama. (Washington Post)

Apple Cut First-Quarter Sales Outlook, Citing Slowdown in China (Bloomberg)

Jeffrey Gundlach on Apple warning: “This is the kind of stuff that happens in a bear market” (CNBC)

Ryan Zinke wrote his parting note with a red marker (Washington Post)

Tariff Exclusions for Certain Steel Imports Sow Confusion (W.S.J.)

“Why don’t you put cat poop in there? And I’m just like, haha. But then I started thinking about it and I’m just like, why not? That’s a good idea,” Igoa told KMPH-TV. (UPI)