What really happens at the CDC

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Today, we live in a world where disease isn’t just something that happens accidentally — it gets put in bombs, sent through the mail, and rubbed all over the blankets of our enemies. (Actually that last bit was something colonists — probably — did a couple hundred years ago, so maybe the world hasn’t actually changed that much.) At any rate, the CDC is no longer just a public health agency. Today they’re more like the FBI of diseases.

The CDC was once solely a public health organization, but their mission has expanded to include homeland security, so they’re focused as much on terrorism as they are on seasonal flu and outbreaks of vaccine preventable diseases, which by the way are only a problem because people will believe anything they read on the internet.

Part of the CDC’s mission includes preparing for “biological, chemical, radiological, nuclear, and explosive emergencies.” So we should all take comfort in knowing that in the event of any sort of disease outbreak or terrorist attack, the CDC has our backs, and totally intends to inform us of just how bad the problem is, just like they always have. At least we think so. But maybe just buy a couple of respirators and several tons of dried beans, just in case.

 

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